The Gift of Goodbye by Rebecca Whitehead Munn

Author:Rebecca Whitehead Munn
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: She Writes Press
Published: 2017-03-16T04:00:00+00:00

Two weeks went by quickly, and I began to settle into my new home a little each day. It was June 2005; school was out by then and my children were in our home, at my side. I chose to spend one weekend connecting the stereo so we could enjoy music and started unpacking the children’s toys. They were much happier, more relaxed and secure, once they could see their toys and other belongings in their new space. It made a huge difference to them to be able to touch some of the things they had said goodbye to as we had packed up in Boulder.

On Saturday afternoon that weekend, I caught up with one of my sisters and heard some unsettling news—something I knew in my heart yet had been keeping tucked away as I managed my move and the start of my new job. Mom’s local oncologist in Austin had shared with my sister that her cancer was fast growing and there was nothing any of us would be able to do to change her condition. He recommended loving her and spending as much time with her as we were able, and appreciating her life and all that had been.

Those were very heavy-feeling words as I received them and started to process what they really meant in my heart. I said to my sister, “Thank you for giving me this update. I really appreciate your being so open with me and sharing these details. It helps me feel close, even though I am not able to be there.” While it was not what I wanted to hear, it was definitely something I knew it was time to face.

A few more weeks of unpacking and getting acclimated to our new lives went by, and I felt a little lighter having cleared out even more boxes. As I made my way through another box, I came across an article on grief, which my therapist in Boulder had given to me. It looked like just another piece of paper at first, yet once I began reading it, I felt frozen in time. A well of grief formed in my throat and heart as I started to read the article. Sentence by sentence, the reality that this time was it and that my mom was really dying hit me hard. I sat still and closed my eyes as tears poured down my checks. I felt as if I were in two parallel universes, struggling with the internal conflict of experiencing the heaviness of my mom’s deteriorating health in one universe and the upbeat joys of the new life I was creating in Nashville in the other. I knew I needed to feel supported by someone, someone who would understand this feeling, so I called my sister Karen and read the article to her. We both cried as we discussed the impending change and deep loss that was about to unfold.

Crying and talking with my sister helped me realize that I had sunk into somewhat of a depressed state as I had put these feelings on hold for months.

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